One Year Ago Today....

Saturday, March 23, 2013

I made the biggest decision of my life. March 23rd 2012 was the day that my ex received the protection order I filed on him. This time last year I was doing the same thing I am now..sitting on the couch while my children sleep wondering if he was going to show back up. I did not sleep at all that night, I as so worried, my best friend came over and we parked my car in the back yard put a lock on the gate and made sure all the doors and windows were locked so he couldn't get in. 

 I never, ever thought I would have made it a year with out going back to him. I had so many thoughts run through my mind, like how was I going to support my kids, how was I going to pay the bills, how was I going to deal with the loneliness. I spent 13 years with this man, the first night wasn't to bad, to be honest I was used to him not being around, he was always working or at the bar or with his friends. But days turned in to weeks and weeks turned in to months, and months turned in to my one year anniversary. 

I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for my friends and family I would have went back to him. I thought that maybe he changed knowing I was serious I was about leaving him. The things he would say to me I thought that maybe he did learn his lesson and he does really love me. But then I remembered everything he did to me and everything he ever did  to my children and I  knew I would never, ever take him back. I would have lived lonely, and struggling to support my family than to take him  back and deal with the controlling  the mental and emotional abuse, and dealing with the nightly rapes. I knew if I didn't do something when I did, I would not have been here to write this post. I would have been gone either by my hand or his. For the first time in a very long time I can say I am proud of what I did with my life. I am happy, I am in love, I have my children and they are happy. and I know that because we have been separated for a year and we have already started the divorce last year that within the next couple of months I will be free of him. My divorce will be final!